29/11

Heya.

4.36 in the morning now.
Foolish me.
Amazing how my mind and thoughts keep me awake for so long,
wondering over matters, of the heart.
I suppose without much of a concrete plan for December,
i'm just going to be lazing around,
wasting my time and youth away.
Its really crappy how life is turning out for me now,
the last quarter of this year.
Absolute bullshit thrown at me from every angle possible.
This cheesy saying comes to mind,
"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."
Yeah right.

Obviously, still, the crap i'm receiving has been compounded,
has been from the immense amounts of crap i've been throwing at others.
But, all these has been too much for me to take,
perhaps the assumed maturity and hardiness of myself has just been a foolish, foolish facade.
"Lying to other, and lying to myself."
This has got to be the phrase for me in 2010.

However,
a glimmer of hope shone through.
Being the emotional cheesecake I am,
'this' will be the only relief I have from this year,
though I'd still have to fight for 'this',
as I don't think I can let myself down again,
and let 'this' slip past me,
just as many things have this goddamn year.
Let's just hope the good lord,
whoever you are,
heaven help me.
'This' shall not be emphasised further.
*though i'd love to*

Alright, ending this post off on a silly note,
my usual self,
a song from George Michael,
again.
As some know,
every line in the songs I post,
say a bit about how I'm feeling.
Hope you'd understand.


"
I'd say love was a magical thing
I'd say love would keep us from pain
Had I been there, had I been there

I would promise you all of my life
But to lose you would cut like a knife
So I don't dare, no I don't dare

'Cause I've never come close in all of these years
You are the only one to stop my tears
And I'm so scared, I'm so scared

Take me back in time maybe I can forget
Turn a different corner and we never would have met
Would you care?

I don't understand it, for you it's a breeze
Little by little you've brought me to my knees
Don't you care?

No I've never come close in all of these years
You are the only one to stop my tears
I'm so scared of this love

And if all that there is, is this fear of being used
I should go back to being lonely and confused
If I could,
I would,
I swear
"

A Different Corner
George Michael



Thank god for you,
though you may never,
ever
know.