i havent been blogging for quite a while. two reasons. one, i cant really access blogger from my bb in camp even though i have an internet connection. two, i don know what the heck is going on in my life. im in this like im serving my time. like a jail sentence. not to say that being in the army is unbearably boring. im currently on an airborne course, en route to jumping out of a plane in 2 weeks time. i could think of many others who do more mundane work. but the thing is. all this seems very out of place. everything isnt going how i suppose it to be. truth is. i dont even know how it IS supposed to be. nothing is happening. im passing time. theres nothing to look forward to. im unsure of my career. (if i even should be sure by now). im unsure of my relationships with people. the people around me are all very distant. i dont know what everyone is thinking. i dont know what everyone wants. i dont know if i can continue on with these people around me. yet, theres no getting away from this.
everything going on now is so transient. ive come to realise. only recently. how the world is flying by. no one waits. the present is only so for now. no matter, good or bad, experiences come and go. only comes the day i lie on my death bed and think back. what could have, would have, should have. life becomes rather meaningless. we buy experiences. we detest some. but yet everything. is fleeting. times dont last. am i wasting my time away without the experiences that i should yearn for. yet, even though ive done so, they become the past, in the future. im uncertain of whats to come. i dont know what i want. i just hope someone would be there to walk this path. right or wrong. with me.
derange/
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