there have been points in time when i wonder, if staying on in the commandos is worth it. i just came back from a 2d1n navigation exercise in tekong, from Thursday till Friday. with the load and lack of sleep, many of us merely dragged our weary bodies along, worn out by the crazy load of shit they piled for us the through the week with barely any rest. most merely limped on. and in only such a short period of time outfield, many of us came down with heat rash. ask any singaporean son, just for a little insight into this debilitating shit that so many on us go through- i was cringing in the morning from it, and its still affecting me even as i type. all the pain and the sweat was also worsened by our oc, whos infamy reached us even before we entered the battalion. i wanted to quit and i couldnt get it off my mind.
but who was i again, contemplating an escape, an easy way out. i said i was afraid of back, knee injury and skin problem, as experienced by my relatives and friends alike. i wanted to lead my own life, spend it well and plan for the future. booking out everyday seemed so perfect for all these. and id be spared of all the notoriously tough trainings, night after night of torturous marches and dirt out in the forests, heat rash which makes me go on my knees and bleeding blisters and lesions.
and then i thought again. of what have i done for myself. what i have done for those around me. ive never had the proper opportunity to make them proud of me, and for myself to see what i was worth. i want it so bad, not the beret, but for those around me to finally have something they could be proud of of me. i want to don the red, for them to see me differently. not for my own pride.
two months to press on.
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