brunei was rather a tough experience for us as soldiers on our first overseas training stint. some things we had to do really scared the shit out of me. when i was on exercise nomad, i felt first hand what it was like walking on slippery and uneven ground along the unexplored ridge-lines, weary and tired, when a slip of a foot meant slipping down the side of the paths (probably only 2 metres wide a most) deep into the ravines. add on a 15~ kg field pack plus equipment, some part we'd just have to get on all fours, just to cross the numerous obstacles like deadfall (fallen logs which were SO HUGE) and broken paths. but all things, good and bad, came to an end. there were times when i was exhausted and totally out of fuel. it came to a point when i was telling jingyao how i was totally out of energy and had to stop. i yelled with every step and cussed like a motherbitch. "fuck you trees" "fucking brunei" "cheebye la how the fuck am i supposed to climb up this SHIT!" i was totally ridiculed by my detachment mates when the exercise was over, haha.
weirdly enough, i left for brunei expecting to be homesick. but i surprisingly not. i had nothing to miss at home. my parents, yes. but somehow i have lost that sense of wanting to be home. i havent got a clue why. theyre busy, and the mood at home, have someone turned cold. i dont know why, but i dont want to be home sometimes. but it was only during the tough times when i thought really hard about them to urge myself to push on(like when we were walking real quick with our bags on- i cant fucking take heavy loads) and stuff like taeyeon and shit HAHA. oh yes just a quick update i have gotten into quite an obsession with kim tae yeon (not fucking girls generation per se though theyre pretty darn good too) when alvin and some demo guys eased me into kpop back in june or so. cause she sings like THIS and is cute like THIS and looks like
ISNT SHE PERFECT?!
im sorry if im being a fanboy spazzing everywhere SHE GODDAMN GORGEOUS AHHH and never did i think id ever get into kpop (lol) but i kinda... did. haha but i have to admit this pretty girl eased my shagness a little better when i was stuck in the fucking idiotic jungles in zebu 3 days straight . to wrap brunei up, its was an ok experience for me, no real revelation whatsoever, cept i probably got to know my det mates a little better, and find out for sure who im going to ORD and spend my reservist time with, the finalised detachment. so long brackish crocodile infested rivers we crossed, palm sized cicadas and cockroaches, streams which we drank from, 60 degree slopes, 35 fucking degree sun, monster ants, a whole lot of shagness and mount fucking biang!
i just came back from a late night chat with bennii at parkway and had our usual stroll home from there. i just felt so empty the whole day, in fact the past few days. the days i had out, spending at home, were used on variety shows and basically nothing else. i have a list of to-do's but nothing seems to get done when im on the computer, when id either divert to random youtube videos or catalogs instead of my errands online. my mum also told me some stuff which i was disturbed by. i wish to bury it aside for now, for i dont know and don think theres anything i can do about what so had to say, cept im a little shaken by it. i hope it passes fine.
then ive been thinking about how im so fucking lonely nowadays. ive lost contact with the people whom i was close to. in fact, ive lost contact with every fucking one. i dont even know what the fuck to say to them. the guys are in army so i dont really know what to say to them. every shit that comes out is probably some lame army story that id probably already had enough of, and i wouldnt fucking text them just to tell them bout such stuff. the girls, are mostly in uni (in fact all lol). and idk what to tell or talk to them about cause my life have been saturated by the army for the past 9 months and im nothing more than a fucking potato head now. plus they seems so busy with uni and i don even know how the uni timetable or schedule is like. and i wouldnt wanna bore them with my retardation so i dont speak to them. i cant even get a date with anyone cause my weekends are always on the line cause you never know when youre gonna get confined or schedules for guard duty and stupid army shit like this so i dont even bother contacting anyone. finally its just me. i just dont feel like talking to any fucking one and idk why. im lazy to explain whats going on with my life cause i honestly dont give a damn about what im doing now. and im doing things only cause i HAVE to. so... im practically a fucking loner now. therere so many things to sort out with my life and i dont know where to start. but my passing out is next week when it all ends with that red beret after the 72k (oh fuckin hell yea 72 -.-) and im hoping for a breather after turning ops. not only to think my life though and sort out some of the mess that ive left around.
im sorry if im being a fanboy spazzing everywhere SHE GODDAMN GORGEOUS AHHH and never did i think id ever get into kpop (lol) but i kinda... did. haha but i have to admit this pretty girl eased my shagness a little better when i was stuck in the fucking idiotic jungles in zebu 3 days straight . to wrap brunei up, its was an ok experience for me, no real revelation whatsoever, cept i probably got to know my det mates a little better, and find out for sure who im going to ORD and spend my reservist time with, the finalised detachment. so long brackish crocodile infested rivers we crossed, palm sized cicadas and cockroaches, streams which we drank from, 60 degree slopes, 35 fucking degree sun, monster ants, a whole lot of shagness and mount fucking biang!
i just came back from a late night chat with bennii at parkway and had our usual stroll home from there. i just felt so empty the whole day, in fact the past few days. the days i had out, spending at home, were used on variety shows and basically nothing else. i have a list of to-do's but nothing seems to get done when im on the computer, when id either divert to random youtube videos or catalogs instead of my errands online. my mum also told me some stuff which i was disturbed by. i wish to bury it aside for now, for i dont know and don think theres anything i can do about what so had to say, cept im a little shaken by it. i hope it passes fine.
then ive been thinking about how im so fucking lonely nowadays. ive lost contact with the people whom i was close to. in fact, ive lost contact with every fucking one. i dont even know what the fuck to say to them. the guys are in army so i dont really know what to say to them. every shit that comes out is probably some lame army story that id probably already had enough of, and i wouldnt fucking text them just to tell them bout such stuff. the girls, are mostly in uni (in fact all lol). and idk what to tell or talk to them about cause my life have been saturated by the army for the past 9 months and im nothing more than a fucking potato head now. plus they seems so busy with uni and i don even know how the uni timetable or schedule is like. and i wouldnt wanna bore them with my retardation so i dont speak to them. i cant even get a date with anyone cause my weekends are always on the line cause you never know when youre gonna get confined or schedules for guard duty and stupid army shit like this so i dont even bother contacting anyone. finally its just me. i just dont feel like talking to any fucking one and idk why. im lazy to explain whats going on with my life cause i honestly dont give a damn about what im doing now. and im doing things only cause i HAVE to. so... im practically a fucking loner now. therere so many things to sort out with my life and i dont know where to start. but my passing out is next week when it all ends with that red beret after the 72k (oh fuckin hell yea 72 -.-) and im hoping for a breather after turning ops. not only to think my life though and sort out some of the mess that ive left around.
in other news, i kinda found out that she has a boyfriend now. i think. i stumbled across it and i was kinda surprised but im glad that i was unaffected by it. yea i know i never really quite spoke openly about this but owells ive got nothing to do now so here goes. this is a girl i was interested in for pretty darn long time and i NEVER really quite knew why i did. shes pretty and all but it seems i thought there was something more to her. it started really awkwardly and went pretty awkwardly and nothing really quite came out of it. but yea, looking back now i never really knew why i acted so weirdly and all in school, tryin to avoid her and shit. hahaha. or even realise why i was even interested, in someone i hardly ("don't" would actually be more appropriate) know. was it a cumulation of things: her smile, her character...? cheesy stuff like that. but then again, boys will be boys. it was just a shame how weird and odd things had to turn out. but you know now i kinda miss that feeling. of wanting someone. to be around them, to see them. it kinda made life go on, roll a little smoother. it made me feel like i was waking up for something. but its all in the past now and i think im not going to feel that anytime soon cause im in army (jail). but im pretty sure, the next time someone catches my eye, someone worthwhile, someone who'd made me swoon over like a little boy all over again, im probably not going to let her slip by again, hopefully.
heres to better times. (im fucking praying for it)
heres to better times. (im fucking praying for it)
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